ARE YOU MISSING THE GLOW IN YOUR LOVE | MONEY RELATIONSHIP?

GLOW you say? When was the last time you noticed if it was missing?

Recently, I had the opportunity and pleasure to interview Relationship Therapist, Sara Bunce, MFT. Sara specializes in working with couples and complex relationship dynamics. I call her a “Relationship Artist.” Her work is transforming and she helps couples “get their glow back!”

I was super intrigued listening to what Sara had to say about “couples at risk” of relationship failure, those who have lost their “glow,” and more importantly…the core reasons why (which she says has to do with our brain and behavior).

Sara listed out for me 4 main reasons couples lose the glue and glow that show in healthy relationships. Here they are:

Failure to Risk Vulnerability

Failure to risk vulnerability can show up in two ways. Shying away from vulnerability can take the form of “fighting like cats and dogs with no resolution.”  Never ending fighting can be a way to avoid the real issue at hand (and keep the stress hormone of cortisol flowing in relationship).

Sara also goes on to say, “couples that shy away from conflict, arguments or heated discussions, avoid vulnerability too.” These couples can outwardly appear as June and Ward Cleaver, where everything is just fine, or their homes can be mistaken for the movie set Pleasantville.”

“Being conflict adverse can mean we don’t tell our partners the truth because we are afraid of upsetting them and risk dis-approval.” So, instead, we wear a mask of adaptation. This mask has protective properties and over time we begin to lose touch with our true needs…for the sake of getting along and keeping the relationship waters for smooth sailing.

By the way, says Sara, “couples that don’t risk vulnerability, often don’t have great sex lives either.” Placing the priority of “smooth relationship waters,” before vulnerability, can create a relationship, which can be deadening both emotionally and financially.

Emotionally, not risking vulnerability leads to un-met needs, chronic anxiety, silent resentments, and eventually a deep disconnect with ourselves and partners. Sara suggests this video by Brene Brown to help us fully understand what the research shows about vulnerability, click HERE to watch. Interesting findings for sure!

Financially, not risking vulnerability,  can mean not confronting behaviors of increasing debt, over-spending, under-earning or lack of savings in order to avoid conflict.

Although conflict avoidance can appear as a way to create smooth waters, what really occurs is a turbulent under current that eventually can capsize the boat. Turning a blind eye, not talking about the real issue, living in denial, or sacrificing truth and vulnerability can be harmful over the long run to your heart and bank account.

Breaking Commitments

Another relationship behavior that dulls the glow, is breaking commitments (not keeping your word), and then dismissing or minimizing the damage of the broken commitment.

Little things add up…emotionally and financially. Chronic lateness, chronic forgetting, saying one thing and doing another are ways we break commitments with our partners.  Over time this leads to eroded trust and un-met goals.

When it comes to finances, breaking commitments can take the form of creating a cash flow plan and not taking agreed upon action to stay on that plan, saying you won’t make an independent spending decision on certain higher ticket items and then doing so, or paying bills late for services already provided to you that you agreed to pay by a certain date.

Chronic broken commitments over time chip away at the foundation of trust in a relationship, which can take extensive effort to repair.

A Belief  That Happiness Exists Outside of Self

Third, Sara tells us, couples are at risk, that aren’t able to comfort themselves and believe happiness exists outside of themselves.

Anytime we believe the solution lies outside of us, we aren’t taking personal responsibility for ourselves. We are looking outward for a fix to make our insides feel better.

Relation-ship wise, this translates into placing expectations on our partner to behave in ways that make us happy…instead of finding ways to create our own happiness regardless of what is going on in an external way.

This is the case with addictions for sure, both process (shopping, spending, eating, sex) and substance (alcohol and drugs).

In my practice, I find when clients try to fill an internal need with an external object of desire, they are feeding the growing emptiness inside…and the hole just keeps getting bigger.

An example of this is trying to fill the basic internal esteem (Maslow) needs of love & belonging, fun, power, and freedom in an external way. People who do this spend more. Lets say you aren’t so great at creating intimate connections with your actions and words, then you might try to buy love through high ticket presents. This is an example of meeting an internal need in an external way.

Lack of Novelty

Fourth, Sara says, “couples that lose their glow are ones that don’t create some form of novelty in their lives. Novelty can be very small and simple gestures to create new experiences or new ways to express love.”

Guess what? Novelty doesn’t have to cost money either. You can write your partner a love poem, create a date night, cook a special meal or share a new hike.

When you learn to talk about money, there’s a very good chance you can talk about other sensitive subjects, which will increase your intimacy and marriage satisfaction.

Important to Remember

Sara’s work with couples integrates psychology (behavior) and biology (the brain). Her parting words in this interview were:

Know that your brain impacts your marriage

The primitive part of our brain that is good at keeping us alive in the face of danger, is very bad at love.  You can learn how to steer away from those hurtful fights & instead experience empathy, acceptance, & intimacy.

Reconnect in a new way that feels good to both of you.

Our culture doesn’t teach us the benefits of making marriage a priority

Putting time & effort into marriage can be a scary and counterintuitive thought.  Imagine feeling loved and taken care of? This will trickle down to your children and anyone that comes into contact with you.

In the meantime, if you want to read a book (recommended by Sara Bunce, MFT) try “WIRED FOR LOVE,” by Stan Tatkin. This book is based on psychobiology, understanding how our brains and behavior work together. It is filled with ways to get your glow back in relationship…and remember, what’s good for love is good for money!

Tremendous appreciation for Sara’s time in granting this interview.

For centuries women have lived with the mythology of “being rescued.” This mythology has been part of our genetic coding and imbedded in our psyches. As little girls we read stories about Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White.  We played out these fantasies with our Barbie and Ken dolls (I did. I even added in GI Joe to take care of my Barbie doll).

Generations of women fell under a spell. We believed that a prince on a white horse would take us away to a dreamy castle in the woods where we would live happily forever and ever (I love the movie “Pretty Woman!”). And, while we spent countless hours planning family vacations, baby showers, school activities and science projects for our children our prince would financially take care of us.

A recent TV commercial validates this point. Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York was reading a bedtime story to a little girl. “Someday,” she says dreamily, “your knight will come on a great white stallion…and he will whisk you away to a beautiful castle and he will marry you and give you everything your heart desires, forever and ever.”

“Of course, if it doesn’t work out,” she adds briskly, “you’ll need to understand the difference between a P/E ratio and a dividend yield.”

Such was the case with Joan who is now 58 years of age.  Her husband died unexpectedly 5 years ago. He told her for the past 15 years of his life, “don’t worry, we are doing well financially and everything is taken care of.” When he died, she found out they had over $100,000 in credit card debt and he let his life insurance lapse. Her tears were laced with anger at both him and herself for trusting that “everything would be taken care of.” Joan wasn’t normally a woman who lived with her head in the sand, except when it came to money.

In Carly Fiorina’s book, Tough Choices A Memoir, she speaks about her relationship with finances in her first marriage to her husband Todd. She tells us she paid no attention to finances, she left it all up to him. When their marriage broke up, she was shocked at the state of their finances. The blinders came off, the spell broken and Carly committed she would never again allow herself to be hands off when it came to finances.

We need to “break the spell,” of financial innocence before it is broken for us with a crisis (like death of a spouse, divorce, illness, etc). One way to “break the spell,” is to  shift from financial vagueness to financial clarity in every area of your financial life (earning, savings, spending and giving).

The first time my husband and I looked at our finances straight on, I used an entire box of kleenex and left our financial counselor’s office with swollen eyes. I was angry at myself and my husband for the hole of debt we dug ourselves into. At that time I was living with blinders on in hopes that “magically,” things would just work out on their own. You know, “intuitive finance!” 

Looking at our numbers grounded me in a deep way. That clarity coupled with our tenacity to overcome adversity turned our financial situation around. Did it take time? Yes, it did. Behavior changes and ways of thinking don’t change over-night. We began to learn that true financial intimacy is about transparency and the courage to look at what is. Over time, not only did the blinders come off, we showed up as equal partners in taking care of our finances! You can too!

Here are four ways you can begin “breaking the spell.”

• Bite into the apple of innocence. Obtain your credit report. Look at and understand your score. Make sure your credit report is accurate and make corrections as needed. Share your report with your partner and have him/her share their report with you.

• Take stock of your kingdom. Obtain reports of all your investment | savings accounts and know what the balances are in each account.

• Slay your debt dragons. Obtain current reports of any debts you owe. Understand the interest you are paying on these debts and the balance of each debt.

• Consult with your council of experts. Call your insurance broker | agent and have them review all of your policies with you on an annual basis. Ask questions. Make sure you understand your policies, your coverage and the cost of your premiums.

• Get as comfortable with your financial numbers as you are with your clothing sizes (numbers are numbers!) Know your checking account balance on a daily basis. Track your expenses and income and know where your money is going.

I believe in miracles and I believe they happen each day  to every one of us, if we stay conscious and present to what is happening around us. In this season of love, I want to share a personal story of a miracle that happened to me, on an ordinary day.

Upon wakening, I felt exhausted. I began noticing irritants while showering. I was out of hair conditioner, my new toothbrush’s bristles were too rough on my teeth, my favorite soap was a sliver of a bar.

My car was running on fumes (just like its owner). I was worried about a friend who was in the hospital and I couldn’t shake “worry thoughts” out of my mind. To boot, I had a full day of appointments that were long overdue and I stuffed them all into one day (not recommended). At the end of the day I had my annual physical, mammogram and blood tests all done.

Once I got home, the dishwasher broke, the oven wouldn’t heat on it’s regular “bake” setting, and one of our dogs wasn’t looking like he felt so good.

At one point in my day, I started crying and praying at the same time. I wanted this day to be over. The heaviness from what I was carrying around mentally and the negativity I was swirling in was too much for me. My nervous system was on overload and I don’t do so well living in that space anymore.

I began thinking about how I could shake this heaviness off of me and what came to mind was to take a long walk. It was cold outside and dark. It was the kind of night that called to a roaring fire, a good book and a down comforter.

Yet, I knew my body and mind could benefit from physical movement. Moving my body has always helped me shift negative energy out of my space.

So, bundled up, off I went. Me and the dogs (them with a wag in their tail). The air was crisp and a couple of inhales and exhales made the little celia in my lungs stand up and take notice. The cold air made me feel alive. I could see my breath (a sign I was indeed alive in spite of how I felt).

Movement, breath, wagging dog tails, and mesmerized by the outdoor holiday lights in my neighborhood began to shift my mood. I started to feel more grounded. I began thinking I needed to release worry energy (I come by it naturally) and have faith that my friend in the hospital would be OK and that tomorrow would be a new day.

As I picked up my pace (now in a dark canyon), a woman’s voice out of no-where said, “hello honey.” I jumped and was startled. I didn’t readily see her. She was on the side of the road, approached me and said, “I bet you had a hard day, how about you take this boquet I just picked (it was 10pm at night) and take it home and enjoy it. These are angels trumpets, a night shade flower and they have a beautiful fragrance. Just don’t eat them because they are hallucinogenic.”

Once I accepted them, she was gone. You can see how beautiful they are from my iphone photo above.

In the dark night, out of the blue, I came home with a boquet of angel trumpets whose fragrance graced my home for about 3 days. I took this as a sign that my prayers had been heard and it was a beautiful way to end a day. I slept well that night.

I am sharing this with you because this experience touched my heart in a deep way. I’ve never been given flowers by a stranger on a dark street while walking my dogs and releasing negativity. These flowers were a sign of hope and the experience felt other worldly.

Why am I sharing this on a financial blog? Because little moments like these are miracles of abundance. I have them in my life and so do you. All we have to do is be awake to appreciate them. This miracle shifted me to  a space of grace and gratitude (very different from the space I’d been in all day long).

Here’s to all of us, staying more present to the magic of love in all its forms. Happiest of holidays.

Abundance is an internal experience of fulfillment, having enough in life, and an appreciation for what is. It is a state of being, a sacred space in which to live and view life. For me, it takes conscious effort to stay and live in this space. Life events, if I let them, can propel me out of this state in nano-seconds and into the space of scarcity.

I wasn’t always a person who experienced abundance. Habits of perfectionism and a heavy critical voice living in my head for years, blocked me from seeing a life of plenty and beauty. Maybe due to age, accessing inner wisdom, my connection to the Divine and staying committed to my own inner work…has changed this.

I am not an expert. I am a seeker of knowledge, one who enjoys living in the mystery of life, and one who trys to make sense of life experiences by looking at them as lessons to grow from.

In that light, I share with you what has worked for me, to help me shift to living (more moments than not) in the space of abundance. Join me in conversation and ideas. Please.

So, here are some behaviors I practice that allow me to stay for longer periods in this sacred space.

(1) I believe all that happens to me is the Universe’s way of propelling me toward my highest good (even the painful things) and it is not until I am “through” something…that I can look backwards, connect the dots and actually see the sequences and purpose of what unfolded. In looking back, I see how a life event “moved” me toward a vision I have been holding. Noticing this gives me an experience that I am being supported by the Universe. Make sense?

(2) This year, I started to make decisions and take action on those decisions from a “gut level,” rather than a cognitive “head” level. My gut doesn’t care about the approval of others. It cares about what is best for me. Honoring my “gut” helps me to say “No” to things, rather than say “Yes, with a resentful heart. Saying “No” with an open heart, brings me the experience of abundance…because I carefully choose what is in my life and what is not invited in at any given moment. How do you choose?

(3) I have Type “A” tendencies, and used to, book clients and appointments back to back. This was insane and a set up for exhaustion and depletion, which is part of what “scarcity and deprivation” energy is all about…creating experiences with TIME, ENERGY, and MONEY…where there isn’t “enough.” Now, I create spaces between appointments so I have time to go to the bathroom, drink water, take a few breaths of fresh air and enjoy a few minutes petting my dogs before going on to another appointment commitment.

(4) In honoring my energy, I work on eating foods that give me fuel rather than deplete me. I choose relationships where there is a balance between “giving and receiving.” I allow relationships to dwindle where I perceive there are gross imbalances and where I feel I am constantly giving. I work on this stuff in an ongoing way.

(5) With money, I spend wisely. I ask myself if what I am spending is bringing me the amount of fulfillment in relation to the time I spent earning that money. If it doesn’t, I don’t make the purchase.

These are some of the ways I bring the energy of abundance into my life, some of the practices that support the state of “enough” for me. I am interested in hearing what works for you.

The more we can talk about this, the more we support one another in being in this state of “enough” in all life areas. Who knows, living in this state in many ways is an economy of our time, energy and money…and instead of spending more (in time, energy and money)…we can conserve and build up our reserves in all three of these areas.

What are your thoughts?

Yoga has been a part of my life for over 30 years and it is only recently I am seeing how lessons in yoga can apply to one’s money life, especially with the roller coaster market going on. Here’s how.

The breath is the life force in yoga. It is called prana. Working with the breath controls the mind and balances energy in the body.

LESSON #1:

MOVEMENT FOLLOWS BREATH (not the other way around)

Yogic breathing increases oxygen to the brain, soothes the nervous system, brings clarity of thought, improves concentration, stills the mind, and increases our ability to deal with complex situations without suffering from stress.

The breath opens both mental and physical places of constriction. This is why “breathing into a pose,” deepens one’s pose. The breath relaxes the body, while softening the mind’s fear that the body can actually do the pose.

So, how is this relevant to dealing with Wall Street?

What if we breathed into Wall Street? What if we oxygenated our fear and relaxed our inability to control the markets? Instead of making quick jerky movements (selling, buying, or getting out of the market all together)…

What if we took deep breaths first, cleared our minds and let in the knowing (mentally and emotionally)… it is the nature of the market to fluctuate, some days more than others. Can we embrace the knowing that markets are doing what markets do? That as long as we have sought wise counsel in managing our assets, to “let them be” and detach from the ups and downs…

LESSON #2:

“IT IS WHAT IT IS”(in this given moment)

In yoga, labeling the breath is bringing attention to your personal rhythm of “inhale, pause, exhale.” Your rhythm “is what it is.” No need to fret. If you want to extract more mental and physiological benefits from your breath, practice deeper inhales and more emptying exhales.

What if we “labeled” our finances in the same way with centering clarity. “Savings is what it is right now.” “Debt is what it is right now.” “Cash Flow is what it is right now.” If we want to improve our money picture, it can be done slowly and sane-ly “from where it is right now,” with calculated, practiced, rhythmic movements (healthy money habits).

Knowing and labeling “what is,” places us in an observation mode, a space of non-reactivity. From this space of clarity, we can then make adjustments to create more full breaths or a different financial picture.

There is tremendous power when we are in a state of observation. This space allows us to better respond than react to “what is.” Good for yoga and good for money. Don’t you agree?

As I gain more insights in relating yoga concepts and money, I will be excited to share them with you!

This is a secret (savory) family recipe handed down from generation to generation. It is a recipe that will boost your financial energy and vibration through the roof! Are you ready for that?

INGREDIENTS:

1 manual checkbook register with a current running balance

2 watchful eyes on growing investment balances and the rate of return

1 investment advisor with your best interest at hand

4 scoops of behavioral conditioning to stop debting once and for all

1 mind-set of earning to your potential

1 attitude of abundance

1 jar filled with conscious awareness

1 large stock pot of money for a rainy day

4 spoons of wisdom

DIRECTIONS:

At any given time open your checkbook register and let the running balance guide you in making the best choices you can in a given day. Juggle the net income with the monthly expenses, making sure you have extra income to overflow into the large stock-pot for a rainy day.  Place on a slow simmer. Right before the stock- pot overflows, take out several ladles and place in the investment account. Turn the heat up for a hot rate of return.

In another bowl place all of your debts. Crush with a spoon, mix with compassion, add water and reduce to a simmer until the amount is a liquid paste and then freeze it.

Place sprinkles of wisdom all over it! Experience and savor this delicious dish of knowledge, awareness, and power! Notice the content at peace feeling it gives you in your power center, your belly, your third chakra! It goes quite well with a great steaming cup of herbal green tea, the color of money (best when shared with others)!

Does This Sound Familiar? Any of It?

Your unopened bills are overflowing on your dining room table. Pink colored notices and 15 day shut off warnings are coming in. Tension is brewing.

You can’t seem to locate your checkbook, although you know it is somewhere in the house. Your manual checkbook register has scattered entries and is no longer reliable with an updated balance.

Receipts and old statements (from over three years ago) are piled up because you aren’t sure what to throw out and what to keep.

Money has fallen out of your wallet and is scattered all over your purse. When you open your car door, crumpled up dollar bills are in the cup holders, on the passenger seat and a couple have fallen on the floor.

The desk you pay your bills at has used food wrappers, crumbs and lots of dust balls. You can’t see the surface.

You can’t remember which of your five checking accounts has available money for spending. The bank teller knows you by name from calling frequently to check how much money is in your account. You are racking up debt using your credit card, only because you aren’t sure how much money is in your checking account to pay for every day expenses.

Silent scream!

OK, maybe this isn’t exactly your picture, but you get the idea. Disorganization, uncleanliness, vagueness, overwhelm, disrepect, and stagnant energy all live under the roof of “clutter.”

CLUTTER:

• is a heavy draining energy, show stopper, clogger upper, big boulder in your way
• prevents flow and life force from circulating in your life/money
• slows things to a snail’s pace
• non-productivity is its friend
• keeps you “in your place” in an imprisoned kind of way
• vibrates at the same energy as deprivation does
• keeps you in a place of “I don’t know,” (guess how much vagueness costs?)
• robs you of creativity, inspiration and brilliant ideas

MONEY LIKES (and this stuff helps it flow):

• respect
• systems allowing it to be received fully
• structure
• clarity
• order
• cleanliness
• a boss to tell it where to flow and go

READY TO OPEN YOUR FLOW WITH MONEY?  BEGIN HERE!

√ Pay your bills on time. Otherwise, you break an agreement of integrity for a service you were already provided. Late payments drain your account (and your self-worth) with late fees and you jeopardize emotional capital with your providers. When you don’t give per your agreement, you stop flow coming back into you.

√ Get a big enough wallet to hold your plastic, cash, coins, checkbook and register all in their own respective compartments. Money likes it when you give it an actual physical space to live that is all its own. This is a behavior of respect!

√ Create a special area in your home where you pay bills and manage money. It can be small, clean and supplied with a pen, post its, stamps, calculator, writing pad. Zen is good.

√ Invest in a good shredder and do it daily, just like flossing!

√ Money flows best when you tell it where it needs to go and when you set priorities for it. It needs a Cash Flow plan that allows you to track and analyze your expenses and income…to create the greatest conscious flow possible.

√ Create a file folder for each of your current bank / investment statements and all financial papers. Label each folder and place in a file drawer, banker’s box or portable designer carry case. Dare to locate important papers in less than five minutes when the need arises. Snap and there it is!

√ Clean up unfinished broken money agreements. Any unfinished act of in-completion is a heavy burden to carry. It stops money from flowing into you.

√ Have one bank account for personal and one for business. Clean up the clutter of old un-used accounts and multiple accounts. They breed stagnant energy. Consolidate.

√ Clean out mental clutter that blocks flow. Call this scarcity thinking, “I’m not worthy” of and all your limiting scripts that prevent you from “receiving.”

√ Befriend money. It likes being in relationship with you. It likes to have a weekly date with you. Even though its voice is silent, it speaks to you visually through spreadsheets…and you don’t need to wash those sheets!

P.S Line all of your dollar bills up (in your wallet) so the President’s face is facing you. That way when you give the bills away, they know who to come back to.

P.S.S. The same stuff that clogs up your finances clogs up your human relationships.

Do you have any ideas on sustaining “flow” in your financial life? Tell me your ideas, would love to hear about them.

This is a highly desired two hour talk. Financial Planning Chapters love this talk because Denise explains the core reasons why people make the purchasing decisions they do and the behavioral interventions needed to keep a client’s spending behavior in check. She explains the physiology behind why people buy more at Costco than they planned and the strategies stores use that loosen up our brain chemistry so we open our pocketbooks without a second thought. Because of her background in psychology, coupled with her education and experience in finance, she easily lays out an in-depth understanding of the brain-money-spending connection.

Five Secret Ingredients of the Million Dollar Woman’s Mindset

Maybe you have a favorite recipe and you know just the right ingredients to make a savoring mouth watering dish, right? Well, guess what? Denise knows the ingredients to help you grow your business to the size of your liking. She has worked with and interviewed over 150 women entrepreneurs helping them to grow their business revenues to the million dollar mark. She knows the secret ingredients that capitulate business women into success. This talk is filled with inspirational stories and the necessary ingredients to get you reaching for your dreams and creating a successful business.

Women, Money, and Power

Is your audience ready to support woman in taking off their financial burkas? Why is it that women know their bra size, shoe size, clothing sizes and yet don’t know the amount of money available to them in their checking accounts or how much money it takes to make their lives work well? This talk addresses the core emotional issues women have with their relationship with money. Uncover deep seeded myths of Cinderella’s glass slipper, Snow White’s Prince and the many spells that keep the veil of innocence in place with a woman and her money.

One recent Saturday, I visited a local coastal town’s (Bonny Doon) ecological reserve. I was on a docent lead hike with botanist, Linda. Linda opened our hike by saying, “we are going to begin our hike through an area where the fires seered the land about 5 years ago. Everyone here thought the fires devastated the land, which it did…but it also did something else. The fires opened this area to new growth. Ancient seeds started to sprout, new plant species came forth. The heat from the fire burst open the lupine and cyprus seeds, so this reserve now boasts they are one of the worlds largest population of Cyprus. None of these new plant species would have taken root if it hadn’t been for the fire and its heat.”

As in nature, so in life. Sometimes, we initially experience the financial fires of life as losses. Job loss, illness, disability, death of a spouse, and divorce, are common financial and emotional fires.

Elizabeth Lesser, author of the book, Broken Open, tells us that our losses can break us down and change us, in “making us a little more cynical or scared or unable to cope.” We can allow the experience of our losses to build mental scar tissue. This scar tissue embodies the qualities of restriction, pain, effort and keeps us living in a “woe is me” dynamic. Over time, it takes lots of energy to live with scar tissue. We get worn out.

However, breaking down, isn’t the only option. Elizabeth says, “There is this other possibility that after the breaking, we can open up more into who we are supposed to be, in the way that a flower breaks out of the confines of a bud into its full blossoming.”

HOW DO YOU OPEN?

Just like the lupine required the intense heat from the fire to bloom, the heat from our external experiences can be the catalyst in opening us to internal changes that sprout new growth. When we open from loss, we embody the qualities of freshness, elasticity, beauty, authenticity, simplicity and wisdom.

It doesn’t just have to be the extreme of a fire that causes us to open. Some people open themselves when they “act” on insights from divine “ah-hah” moments. Have you ever had an “ah hah” moment where (out of the blue) you received an idea or answer to something that helped you to flow and live in more open-ness in your life?

Others open themselves by paying attention to states of energy and discerning states of flow (open) from states of effort (constriction). Living in flow is like living in a state of magic. It reminds me of the childhood song of Row, Row, Row Your Boat. We are in flow when life is effortless, merry and just plain feels right.

In my financial life, I regularly examine where I am experiencing states of flow and states of effort. I give thanks to areas that are flowing and surrender to states of effort until they too begin to take on that quality of “flow.”

Judith Orloff, MD, is an energy psychiatrist. She tells us there are signs when we are pushing against an opening. These signs are: cycles of frustration, irritation, uphill battle, fixated on the same issue over and over again, strain, drain, feeling of heaviness.

Financially, where are you pushing against an opening? Lots of effort and heaviness come with credit card debt, living a larger lifestyle that what our energy supports, not earning our worth, being attached to a “woe is me” attitude, and living in a state of vagueness (yes, vagueness stops flow) about how money flows in our lives (expense and income).

As a financial consultant, I am always examining my own issues with money. I have under-earning behaviors to stay on top of. Right now, I am pushing against an opening with how to better package and offer my services. I bump up against my own mental scar tissue and the mental adhesions that keep me tied to a certain way of thinking.

“When we open ourselves to the energy of flow we make room for life force to dance.” This is a guiding light quote for me, by Judith Orloff.

THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS TO SUPPORT YOUR OPENINGS

So, I have a couple of questions for you.

(1)  Where financially are you pushing against an opening?

(2)  What shifts can you make to open your particular situation to more flow?

(3)  What is keeping you from acting on creating this opening right now?

If these questions are too personal to respond to in this blog, just think about them privately. I would love to hear about how you move into the space of “opening” and what your experience is in that space.