SHIFTING to “ENOUGH-NESS”
(Please read Part A of this blog, MONEY AND THE ROOT CHAKRA by CLICKING HERE. Then, this part B will make more sense)
If we aren’t experiencing the spiritual fulfillment of “enough,” in our lives, the question then becomes, “What is necessary in supporting the energy shift in the body from a space of “not enough,” to “enough?”
It is important to remember this is NOT a cognitive process. It is a body process. Cognitive processes are intellectual, body process are experiential.
Our body experiences life through our senses, which in turn influences our nervous system. When our nervous system interprets experiences as nourishing and life sustaining, we begin to lay down new wiring…shifting from “not enough” to “enough.” When our root chakra is re-wired, money, as well as other forms of abundance begin to show up in our physical world and these forms have sticking power. Inner work creates outer results.
THE TOOL OF IMAGERY
Using imagery is one method of creating the shift to “enough-ness.” Why? Images are mental pictures that create a new experience in our bodies in the way of feelings. Imagery lays the ground-work for “what can be created.” If we can get comfortable in our bodies with imagining what “enough” feels like, we can begin to create an experience of “enough” for ourselves in our physical world. Imagery can help us move through our fear. In the book, The Science of Getting Rich, author Wallace Wattles tells us, “The Creative Power within us makes us into the image of that to which we give our attention.”
If we bathe ourselves in imagery that makes us feel good, then we begin to actually create chemical changes in our bodies. We move from pumping adrenaline (a survival hormone) to creating endorphins (a pleasure hormone). Imagery helps us to turn on our body’s internal pharmacy of good feelings, naturally.
FINANCING NEEDS FIRST, WANTS SECOND
Financing our true survival needs BEFORE anything else will also calm our nerve endings and give our body the experience of being taken care of. We can breathe more easily when we know the mortgage is paid, money is available for food on the table, gas to keep our cars running and our health care needs are met.
Happiness studies have actually shown that once our survival needs are met, more money doesn’t necessarily make us happier.
ENERGY and BODY WORK
Energy and body work is foundational work to support us in re-connecting with our core. Working with my breath in yoga has taken me to deep core places…and in these places I’ve uncovered lots of stuff getting in my own way of “receiving enough in.” As I’ve been able to open to more receiving in my own life, I find the quality of my breath change. My exhale is getting as long as my inhale. I am with-holding less. I find I can chant with greater volume and more depth. Constrictions are released.
Besides yoga, there are other forms of energy work. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) founded by Gary Craig is aimed at bringing equilibrium to energy disruptions in the body.
You can explore what energy and body work feels right for you. There is much to pick from.
TALKING TO OURSELVES IN THE SPIRIT OF LOVE and COMPASSION
Tending to our thoughts is important (what we say when we talk to ourselves). Root chakra affirmations can be: “It is safe for me to be here.” “I love the wisdom of my body and trust it.” “I am learning to feel the energy of love and support in the cells of my being.” “I choose relationships that give love freely.” “I am the creator of my own experience today.”
TAKING A SEAT AT THE TABLE OF OUR OWN LIFE
For us women, we give up our seats at the table of life fairly easily, in order for others to have before we have. Placing our needs and desires equal to that of others is a first step in giving ourselves the experience of “enough.”
It is in my fifth decade where I am now comfortable placing my needs and desires before that of others. I am into equal energy exchanges in all areas of my life. I no longer have the desire or bandwidth to give more than I receive today. I no longer allow my Catholic upbringing and negative emotions, like guilt, to come between me and the choices I know are best for me.
Creating enough for yourself financially, may look like fully funding your retirement account over fully funding your children’s education. It may mean funding something near and dear to your heart over the “want” of another. We need to begin to take our seat at The Table of Our Lives, using money as tool, to fund first our basic wants and our deepest desires.
CONNECTING WITH NATURE
Spending time in nature is my favorite way of creating an experience of “enough” in my body. Nature continually gives us overflowing bountiful sensory experiences and fills us up from the inside out. Beauty is everywhere. There is no experience of lack in nature. One daisy doesn’t have 4 petals while the rest have 16 petals. For all that exists, there is fully enough with equal beauty. Nature shows us that abundance is everywhere.
Connecting with nature through hiking is something I’ve enjoyed for years. Hiking with friends, sweating, while sharing our deepest heartfelt joys and sorrows with one another fills me up spiritually. For me, nature symbolizes and helps me internalize the sacred connectedness we all have with one another. When hanging out in nature, I feel more connected to myself, to others and to God. This feeling of connection gives me strength and a deep knowing that whatever is going on in my life, I have support and love…a soulful feeling of enough.
BEING GRATEFUL FOR WHAT IS
One year at my husband’s Tai Chi Retreat, his teacher taught us a “kindergarten gratitude” exercise for adults. Here’s how it goes: Close your hands into fists and raise them above your head. Think of things you are grateful for and as you do, release one digit for each thought of gratitude, until your hands are out-stretched in the air above your head!
That was about ten years ago and I am still doing this exercise daily. Over time, I have actually felt the change in my body’s chemistry. I used to be a complainer and focus on the negative. Truly, this simple little exercise has changed my life and my body’s chemistry.
What we focus on multiples. There is a spiritual shift happening regarding the American dream. Where the focus used to be on “more, better, bigger,” the shift is to be thankful for what you have and to live life in this space. This is a big spiritual shift.
INVITING MONEY to STICK AROUND in our ORBIT
Think about how good it could feel to invite “money” into your life in a more intimate way, like you would a good friend. Get closer with your money. Think “hug” energy. Play with cushioning your bank accounts with money. To start with, begin creating a cushion of enough in your checking account and then other accounts. This shifts you from “living on the edge,” pumping adrenaline, to having room to breathe and relax more around money. Imagine money having the sticking power of velcro rather than the sticking power of a post-it when it comes to hanging out with you in your accounts.
THE EXPERIENCE OF ENOUGH AS SPIRITUAL FULFILLMENT
Spiritual fulfillment is an inside process. When I tune into the core of my being, listen deeply to body wisdom, and create experiences of “enough” in my life, I feel spiritually fulfilled. This is a sacred place and space. Money can’t buy it. We spend less when living in this space because our experience is one of fullness rather than emptiness. Once had and reclaimed, no one can take it away. It is my inner divine light and your inner divine light that brings peace and a sense of well-being to the core of our being.
Many of my clients come to me…as high earners…with a feeling of “never having enough money.” It doesn’t matter how much they earn, they always feel they don’t have enough. If this sounds familiar, please keep reading. This blog post is for you.
With clients experiencing “not enough,” in spite of earning well over 100K (not including large bonuses), I often ask these clients to begin to create images of what “enough” would look like in their lives. When I hear, “that scares me,” “I’m afraid”, “I don’t feel it is OK to want more,” or this invitation brings forth great emotion” my experience knows there is often an issue at the root chakra.
The root chakra is one of the seven centers of spiritual energy in the human body according to yoga philosophy. This particular chakra is about support and represents our most basic of physical needs, that of food, clothing, shelter and other basic needs for survival. When energy is blocked in this chakra, issues of safety, trust and a denial of a basic self right to have and to be are present.
Blocks in this chakra are aligned with a core belief, that love or a part of oneself will be rejected if “MORE” of any form of abundance is allowed in. Money is one form of abundance, as is relationship, living on purpose, new opportunities, health and love.
Please understand it is at this base level, at the core of our being, where the spiritual energy of “not enough” lives. This energy lives in the cellular memory of the body’s experiences and is expressed in the feeling of deprivation, lack, or scarcity.
How did this cellular experience come into being? Usually from early trauma, neglect or basic needs not being met early in our development. We weren’t nourished in ways we needed to be nourished. Each of us has our own story around this (I certainly know the story I’ve carried for years).
The stories we hold to be true about “not enough,” at the cellular level, are linked to limiting beliefs at the cognitive level. Here are some examples of Root Chakra beliefs contributing to “lack.”
EXAMPLES OF LIMITING ROOT CHAKRA BELIEFS
(these aren’t rational. they usually live in our blind-spot. that’s why we may not be aware of them)
“If I have more money I won’t be loved.”
“My family outcasts friends and people who appear to have more money than they do.”
“If I earn more than my husband, he will find another partner because money means manliness to him”
“If I have more money, I will be abandoned.”
“If I have more money, someone will take it away from me.”
“Whatever I create will be taken from me anyway.”
These internalized beliefs from long ago, that truly don’t belong to us, were given to us as hand-me-downs from other,s and we have lovingly taken care of them for much of our lives.
Earning more money won’t fix the experience of deprivation in the physical world. Because what will happen is that when more money comes in, limiting beliefs will place a teflon coating on the new earned money and it will go right back out of the orbit that it is trying so hard to come into. Why? Because MORE money will begin to create an experience of enough. And, the core energy in our body is telling us it isn’t safe to bring in more. Something bad will happen. So our behaviors (ways of thinking, doing and feeling) find ways to keep the FEELING “of being broke” alive…while keeping the experience of “MORE or ENOUGH” out of our orbit.
This is sometimes why people spend more than they earn. Our money choices are supporting the current wiring of “not enough.” It is a reason why we spend money on season tickets for the Giants and say we can’t afford healthcare…or spend money on hobbies and entertainment while struggling to pay the rent. When we make money choices that keep us living in the RED (a place of deficit in our bank accounts and bodies) we are re-creating the “not enough” experience that keeps us living in survival mode.
IF this blog post resonates with you, I invite you to KEEP IN TOUCH a couple of ways here.
(1) Drop me a note and let me know if I can support you and help you shift out of the “not enough” space into “enough.”
(2) Stay TUNED for next week’s post on how to begin creating this shift.
Here’s to YOUR “enough-ness!”
THE POWER OF A MONEY DIALOGUE
Spiders are everywhere right now and cobwebs I take down one day are built in the same place the following day (those busy little spiders). Some days, I walk right into the web and get my face all twisted up trying to get the sticky web off of me. Oooooh!
Well, the truth be known, I have a similar experience with some of my thinking around money. One day, I think I got the cobwebs all cleaned up in my thinking and the next day, voila…they are there to greet me again.
Well, I’d like to stop getting caught in one particular web of my thinking about earning money. The thinking goes like this, “You got to work hard to earn money.” REALLY? Well, this is a re-occuring web cluttering up my brain and the cells of my body. My “emotional” center believes this even though my brain KNOWS it’s not true. So how do I “un-root” this belief?
Two things are helping me to unroot this belief. One, is I recently did a wonderful “couples and money” training with Olivia Mellan, a true pioneer in MONEY THERAPY. In my training, Olivia introduced me to “money dialogues,” which is on page 98 of her book, Money Harmony. I thought “hmmmm,” that’s interesting. I have dialogues going on in my head all the time. Well, it is a VERY different process to actually take pen to paper and write the dialogue out…than to be mentally aware the dialogues are going on.
So, here’s to transparency with you, my reader. Just because I’m a money consultant doesn’t mean I have it all figured out. It just means I am constantly working on resolving my own money conflicts, helping others to do the same and celebrating breakthroughs!
DENISE’S MONEY DIALOGUE
About the belief, “You got to work hard to earn money.”
Money: Why do you think you have to work so hard to have me?
Denise: It is what I’ve only known to be true about you. That you come through hard work and I don’t want to work harder. I am 55 and want you to come to me differently now. I want you to come effortlessly.
Money: I am easier than you think. All you have to do is to ASK for me more. Invite me in. Get the “hard” out of your mindset. Think “FLOW” like a river NOT “HARD” like a rock. I like it better that way too.
Denise: You think you are so smart!
Money: I am smart, so are you. I am here right at your door…now open it with ease
Mom: What you are saying doesn’t make sense to me.
Dad: No words, just a shake of his head with disapproval.
Universe: They (your parents) don’t know me like you do. You KNOW my true nature. They told you lies about me they believed were true. Let the lies go. Now you know me and we can do our own thing…our new song is “flow flow flow!” Stay open to receiving Denise.
One of the gifts of this dialogue for me, is I’ve taken the wisdom from it and started applying it to my life. I made a vision board of “FLOW.” I am ASKING the Universe to support me in creating my new financial vision. I am consciously bringing forth a different energy to “earning,” an energy of invitation, softness and open-ness. I FEEL this shift in my body. My nervous system has taken a deep inhale and a full exhale. You can do the same, apply the wisdom from your own money dialogue to your life if you choose. In case you wanted an abbreviated process of Olivia’s money dialogue exercise, it is below.
OLIVIA MELLAN’S MONEY DIALOGUE (short version)
1. Pretend MONEY is a person. You start or have money start the conversation, whatever feels right for you. Dialogue on a specific part of your relationship. Allow what comes forth to flow and to surprise you. This conversation doesn’t have to be rational.
2. Have your mother’s voice comment on your dialogue. One sentence is good.
3. Have your father comment on your dialogue.
4. Have any other powerful influences comment on your dialogue.
5. Have God, your higher power, the Universe, or your highest self comment on the dialogue.
6. With soft non-judgemental eyes and an open warm heart, read your dialogue out loud to yourself and see if any new awarenesses come into being for you. They did for me.
Second, my business mentor, Michelle Pippin has been supporting me in moving from a “time based” model of earning to a “value based,” model of earning. This has been a BIG shift I’ve wanted to make for about three years and just didn’t know how to do it. Michelle supported me through the thinking of it as well as showed me how it could work (I needed BOTH). I am happy to say the shift is in process! In the last two months, I’ve shifted all of my new clients to a value based model. I am breathing easier. I feel great about it and it FEELS effortless! Olivia and Michelle’s support helped me to breakthrough the belief I was holding…”you got to work hard to earn money.”
See if having a money dialogue will help you to breakthrough the often conflicting internal voices many of us have in our own head. Explore the wisdom that comes forth when you invite in your highest self, the voice of God or your higher power.
OK, on to “receiving” the blessings here! Thank you Olivia! Thank you Michelle! And, thanks to me for being willing to have a breakthrough!
P.S. MONEY DIALOGUES have now been added to other tools I share with clients to uncover their money beliefs!
MM: How would you respond to our reader who asks, “How do I get a loan back from my sister who bought a pedigree dog after I lent her $800?
DH: I’d like to back up a bit. Before any money changes hands, it is the responsibility of the lending sibling to set the payback parameters of the loan amount (just like the bank does). This includes “what the money will be used for,” if that is important.
So, if no boundaries were set up front, no clear communication, this is a set up for “silent expectations,” which can be disastrous when it comes to money and family relationships. Silent expectations pave the path to broken agreements, eroded trust and relationship resentment.
This can be a learning experience for both siblings. They need to talk it out, share how they feel, move forward, and do it differently in the future.
Done right, family loans don’t have to hurt finances or relationships. When boundaries are set and agreements are honored, what can unfold is a “clean” transaction both financially and emotionally!
WOMEN and MONEY | ONE OF OUR LONGEST AND MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS
I think you would agree… even though it’s not a human relationship, the relationship between women and money is lifelong (first it buys us toys and then it buys us long term care). While we can divorce our partners or end relationships that no longer serve us…money hangs with us through thick and thin and is a medium we engage with daily.
Like any relationship, the one between women and money, has it’s complexities. As we work through our fears, struggles and pain with money, we have the opportunity to step into a space of personal power, freedom, and security. In my own life, I’ve found working through my projections, fears and scarcity mentality about money has brought me to a space of emotional and financial freedom (regardless of the amount of money I have in my bank account).
I’m going to “think out loud” with you about WHY it is important for us women to have a healthy relationship with money. I invite you to post your “think out loud” thoughts with me here in the comments below.
Reason #1 For Women and Money to Befriend One Another
We make better decisions for ourselves and our family when we have our money handled. We don’t have to sacrifice our values and emotional health while staying in relationships or career situations just for the money. I think all women can relate to this…earning our worth and learning smart money management skills keeps us in a place of personal power and keeps our emotional health front and center. The bottom line is we have MORE freedom and more choice and make better choices for ourselves and our families.
I learned first hand from my mom how important it was to be able to stand on my own two feet financially. She always told me, “you never know what life will bring your way, go to school, build a career and always bring in your own money so that if anything happens you can always stand on your own two feet.” My mom was “asked” to leave her corporate job when she was pregnant with me. She was told, “women can’t be dependable at work if they have children (it was a different time).” Over time, she became dependent on my dad’s earnings and in some way, this crimped my mom’s experience of freedom for herself and her family.
Reason #2 For Women and Money to Befriend One Another
We open ourselves to creating smoother life transitions when we are financially smart. Whether it’s getting married, having children, going to school, getting divorced, unexpected illness, moving through loss of a spouse or parent…all transitions require emotional energy. Personally, I find it comforting to know that I can fully direct my emotional energy to a transition rather than split my energy with financial worries. Transitions can be stressful enough without the added worry about “do I have enough money to make it through this the way I want to?”
Money in the bank gives me breathing space, time to process, play with possibilities about how I’m going to move forward in the transition presenting itself to me. I think that is one reason why I am a good saver. I save to take care of my future self because I know she has high freedom needs.
Reason #3 For Women and Money to Befriend One Another
We can give more and give longer when we first create a stable financial base for ourselves. Women are givers. We want to help our children out with school. We want to help our parents out. We like to give to causes and charities to make the world a better place. If we establish a solid financial base for ourselves, we can continue to give throughout our lives without jeapardizing our well-being over the long term. It goes back to that old airline saying, we need to put our own oxygen mask on first.
By not taking care of our own financial situation first, we make ourselves vulnerable, limit choices for our well-being in the longer term. I don’t think any of us want to create a situation where we depend on our children in our later years or county services, but this is exactly what we create when we don’t put ourselves first. I can’t emphasize strongly enough, that caring for ourselves FIRST financially is a NEED and that comes before taking care of another’s WANTS.
Honestly, this isn’t a lesson that’s come easy to me. Just now in my 50′s, I’m learning how to “receive” and feel good about it. I’m learning how to wisely “spend” my time, energy and money while evaluating the rate of return with each of these energies. Marie Nemeth’s book, Mastering Life’s Energies has been a Godsend for me to help me in this area.
Reason #4 For Women and Money to Befriend One Another
We can spend more of our brain space on higher level activities…like creativity, our passion and soul filled next steps and manifesting dreams. When our brain space is occupied with how we are going to pay our mortgage or meet our monthly bills…our energy and brain space get taken up with these lower level survivor needs…and we have less energy and brain space to create with. It all goes back to Maslow’s heirarchy of needs…certain needs have to be met first (survival needs) before we can move up the pyramid to higher level ways of being in the world.
I remember with clarity how it felt when my husband and I were in 60K of debt, when our bills became debts, and when the tension was so thick between us “over money.” I am glad those days are gone, yet my nervous system can recall them with great clarity. This was not a time, where I had energy to dream because I was in survival mode. It took lots of work to dig ourselves out of this space and it is not one I ever want to go back to.
Think out loud with me about Women and Money, a relationship worth investing in for now and our future selves!
FINANCIAL COACHING | FAQ
Financial Coaching is a process, supporting you creating the financial life you desire to have. This process involves four steps. Step One, is gaining clarity on where you currently are in your financial life. This means looking at your numbers (savings, earnings, spending, giving) without judgement.
Step Two, is understanding your Money Blueprint and Personal Money Story with compassion. This understanding sheds light on patterns of behavior no longer serving you. Together, we create a new Money Blueprint, which includes money practices (action), money mindsets (ways of thinking), and a new belief system supporting you in meeting your goals.
Step Three, is stabilization and strategy with cash flow. This means earning more than you spend. It means paying off current debt while not creating new debt. It means connecting to your deepest values, allowing your dollars to nourish those values and live a life with an internal experience of abundance. It means saving enough money for short term needs, emergency situations and for your later years.
Step Four, is sustaining new habits and behaviors supporting you long term. In this phase, you become accountable to you instead of being accountable to me!
Do I have to commit to a certain amount of Financial Coaching sessions?
No, you don’t have to commit to a certain number of sessions. Financial Coaching is client centered. This means you set your goals and we talk about how often we meet. Usually, we begin with meeting twice a month, which decreases to once a month, then once a quarter and then annually.
You can begin and end the process anytime you desire. Everyone has different needs. Some of my clients want one breakthrough session, others want a couple of consulting sessions and others want a coaching relationship that helps support permanent behavioral changes.
How is Financial Coaching different from Financial Planning?
Financial Coaching’s process supports that inside change (in ways you think, beliefs you hold to be true, actions you take and emotions you hold around money) creates a new outward financial picture for you. Financial coaching integrates psychology, spirit and money.
Financial Coaching is a therapeutic process focusing on your strengths, while closing the gap between where you are and where you’d like to be.
Common reasons people seek out Financial Coaching are:
- Feeling out of control with money
- Under Earning
- Not knowing how to have conversations about money with their partner
- Fear of looking at “what is”
- Not saving enough
- Living in a chronic mindset of scarcity
- Don’t know how to make money work in life or business
- Avoiding money
Financial Planning is a process focusing on your long term plan; integrating estate planning, tax planning, risk protection (insurances), investments and cash flow through all of life’s stages. Most Financial Planners and Financial Advisors do not have training in psychology or therapeutic processes that motivate people to make changes in their lives. Financial Planning and Advising is a very important part of creating Financial Well-Being however and focuses on bigger vision financial strategies.
For me, Financial Planning has been an invaluable road map (big picture vision) supporting my husband and I toward our long term goals.
What groups of people do you work with?
I work with couples, individuals and small businesses.
How do I determine if we are a good fit?
I offer a free 20 minute phone consultation to help see if we are a good fit for one another. It is important to me your need fits the services I offer. Otherwise, I am happy to offer you a referral that better fits your need. You can call me at 650-592.8239 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you want to learn more about Financial Coaching and have questions that aren’t covered here, I welcome hearing from you.
FALL DOWN SEVEN GET UP EIGHT
The faded childhood scars on my knees hold memories of me learning how to ride a bike minus the training wheels. If I look hard enough I can still see imbedded gravel under the skin. When I used to fall, it never occurred to me to wash off my cuts. I would just hop back on my bike, let the blood run down my leg until the cuts stopped bleeding and keep on going. It wasn’t until after the ride, I actually felt the stinging pain of the cut, when my mom would apply a concoction of hydrogen peroxide, alcohol and the antiseptic mercurochrome.
Whether it was riding my bike, roller skating or skiing, I always felt a comfort in falling down sooner rather than later. The men in my family (my dad and his seven brothers) taught me the art of how to fall down with minimal impact to the body. They taught me that falling down was just a part of the process in learning anything new and it was how one landed that was important. The intensity and quality of the landing could make it easier or more difficult to get back up.
Little did I realize I would apply this sage wisdom to my financial consulting business. Some of my business “fallings” have been my greatest lessons in how to get back up, dust myself off, and move forward in a more expansive way. I dedicate this article to my dad and Uncles, thanking them for teaching me resilency skills. In a nutshell, here are the lessons.
LEAN INTO THE FALL RELAXED RATHER THAN BRACING YOURSELF
“You’ll hurt yourself if you resist the fall. Just lean into it and roll with it. You’ll land on your feet faster that way,” they would say. There is great wisdom in this lesson.
Before I started my financial coaching business, I had a small practice in stress management and guided imagery. It went nowhere. I made money but not enough to live on. Instead of continuing to pour time, energy and marketing money into this practice, I let it die. It felt like the right thing to do.
I did a good examination of what went wrong. Then I took some time off to allow my creative juices to flow. The outcome of some time off to think and be creative, mentally seeded my current practice, which is thriving! The learning from one business that failed helped me to develop a whole new business model as well as new business mindsets.
FOCUS ON YOUR DESTINATION AND STOP LOOKING DOWN AT YOUR FEET
Each time I focused on my feet, I would fall off my bike or skis. My dad would say, “Stop looking at your feet, they are still the same size.” Keep your head up and your eyes focused about 20 feet in front of you, that way you won’t fall.” Even today, I need to remind myself to look ahead and keep my eye on my bigger vision. I have a tendency to sulk and react when things aren’t going exactly as planned. I am in constant learning mode to go with the bumps in the road and enjoy the ride along the way. After all, bumps are only bumps, right?
This lesson has helped me to do the footwork and often gruntwork of running a business, moving through daily obstacles, all the while keeping my eye and heart on my goal! This strategy keeps my spirits up and helps me to keep all the daily happenings in perspective. Having a focused vision supports growing a business to it’s fullest potential.
TRY NEW THINGS WHILE BEING SAFE AND SMART
My dad taught me how to drive a stick shift by giving me the keys to the car and taking me out in a hay field to practice shifting. I couldn’t hurt anyone there!
One of my greatest strengths in life and business is trying new things while having done my research on the subject…balancing risk and adventure.
When I opened my business I was a terrible public speaker! After joining networking groups and taking classes on public speaking, I created as many speaking opportunities as I could for myself. I started out with smaller events and now have grown to events of 500 plus people. I do my best to be as polished as possible while giving myself room to not be perfect. This is a good balance for me.
The same principles are helping me to grow my business to the size I desire. This past year, I’ve been part of a wonderful business mastermind group that stretches my mindset and helps me break through fear.
I’d love to hear from you about how you fall down and get back up!
SELF-EMPLOYED HIGH WOMEN EARNERS. WHAT’S THEIR SECRET?
A few years back, I was honored to be chosen as the National Business Finance Coach for the organization, Make Mine a Million. This organization has a goal of supporting women to their fullest earning potential, so each woman’s business can expand exponentially.
I interviewed about 90 women who were earning between two-hundred fifty thousand to five-hundred thousand dollars a year in their business, whose stretch goal was to reach revenues of a million dollars.
My job was to take each woman to the next level of her financial goal. So, I got my super power flash light out and together we went hand in hand, digging deep into the psyche about what was holding them back…and in that journey, we uncovered “ah-hah” beliefs, re-framed money stories, and re-wired ways of thinking.
We had conversations about numbers into the wee hours of the evening and talked about how the numbers were a mere reflection of the behaviors that created them. We brainstormed and strategized about how to grow those numbers…that had to do with creating a clear vision, identifying…owning…and expressing each woman’s unique gifts into the world and the desire to play bigger.
In working with this powerful group of women, I started to notice common patterns of thinking and ways of “being” they shared, in how they ran their businesses. They excelled at being both grounded to the earth while stretching for the stars all in the same breath.
You might be wondering…did many make their one million mark? You bet! This article is about the qualities they shared in growing their businesses to the next level. See how many of the qualities you share with them.
A HIGHER PURPOSE DREAM
Each woman had a “higher purpose dream.” Some call this the BIG WHY, a calling or a BIG VISION. These women were crystal clear about the vision guiding their business.
Their vision linked to passion, heart based energy, and offered each of them the inspiration that provides the “get up and go” each day to move business forward. Each unique vision embraced the desire for contribution, service and making a difference in the world.
You see, their business was the vehicle to the higher purpose dream. Their business was not the dream. Make sense? Let me give you some examples.
One woman who owned a construction company told me, “I want to grow my business and sell it for millions, so I can go to Africa and build shelters for women and their families. That is my higher purpose dream.” Another wanted to grow her business (an animal school) to sell it so she could then build animal shelters all over the world.
Not one of these women wanted to make loads of money for money’s sake. They view money as a tool linking them to their highest passion and purpose for being on the planet which has to do with service and giving back. Are you inspired yet? I was! Hold on to your seat, more to come!
TAKE ACTION ON CREATIVE BRAIN SPARKS
Most creative ideas come to me one of two places, in the shower or when I’m hiking in nature. These ideas are usually “solutions” to my perceived problems or they are what I call “brain sparks” from the divine guiding me to a next step in my business or life.
Each woman I interviewed had divine brain sparks. I actually think we all do. The BIG thing is what we DO with these brain sparks that counts.
Women with million dollar mindsets ACT on brain sparks. They believe these “ideas, light bulb moment thoughts,” are gifts from the Universe or from a higher consciousness opening them to opportunity, creativity and new energy. They see these “ideas” as steps on the path to get them to their goal! Kind of an intuitive guidance system.
Let me share a story with you that illustrates what I am saying here.
(Kristin has given me permission to tell her story)
Kristin worked for years as an assistant manager in a clothing store and really enjoyed her work. One year, right before Thanksgiving, she began having the same dream night after night that kept waking her up (divine persistence).
The message she received in her dream was to begin making candy nut tarts. Kristin didn’t understand why she was having these dreams, but listened to the message and she started making “ordinary candy nut tarts.” She kept her dreams private for fear of being judged by others as a bit “abnormal.”
It took Kristin over a year to refine her pecan pie tarts until at one point, she realized she was making the candy tart in her night time dreams. She told me, “I would make 60 at a time and my family would devour them in one sitting and ask for more. I am not a cook, not even an average cook, but these pecan pie tarts are deliciously different.”
Two years later, Kristin suffered a back injury in a car accident which ended her career as assistant manager in a clothing store. She didn’t know what to do for a next career with physical limitations. Her kids and boyfriend told her she should sell her pecan pie tarts.
She listened to their encouragement, started letting friends taste them and they devoured them. She then placed them in candy boxes and started selling them 3 for $3.00
Today, Kristin is making thousands of pecan pie tarts and selling them from her website. Her bigger purpose dream is to support women victims of domestic violence. Listening to her night time dreams and intuitive guidance system has created for her a life of abundance and making a difference in the world.
THEY KNOW THEIR NUMBERS
Most of the women I worked with employed book-keepers. Even though they delegated data entry, they were good at evaluating “inflow” and “outflow.” They embraced the concept of “clarity” and made decisions based on the numbers. They regulated contract labor, enhancements to their business, and strategy implementation based on cash flow.
They understood the importance of both accounting and forward planning aspects of monthly and annual cash flow. No ostrich behavior here.
One of my biggest contributions to their bottom line was supporting them in creating monthly and annual cash flow projections for their businesses, and measuring PLAN to ACTUAL results.
Planning BOTH on the big picture (annual) and more detailed monthly (macro) level set their intention with the Universe in what they wanted to create for their businesses.
This financial intention led us to brainstorming and strategizing new revenue streams, which were in alignment with their vision and BIG WHY.
TRUSTING HOW TO GET FROM POINT A TO POINT B WOULD UNFOLD IN PERFECT TIMING
Each woman had a belief she would get from point A (where the business was now) to point B (where she wanted to take her business). This belief was un-wavable.
What is interesting is “how to” get from point A to point B was not so apparent. There was a level of uncertainty. None of these women were “afraid” of the uncertainty. They didn’t see it as an obstacle or fear it. Each had an “inner knowing” the answers and opportunities would unfold in diving timing, while they were busy doing their own footwork to move things forward.
They had a “belief,” that the Universe was supporting them, their efforts and their businesses all along the way. Each of these women saw their job as staying conscious to the openings and unfoldings in life that brought them closer to Point B. They were good at connecting the dots of synchronicity. Advanced spiritual development, wouldn’t you say?
ROI MINDSET REGARDING TIME, ENERGY AND MONEY
ROI (return on investment) was top of mind when it came to evaluating how they each spent their time, energy and money. Working with these women, changed my life. I started to see everything from an ROI mindset, especially with my time and energy.
These women would quickly evaluate the effectiveness of a business strategy. They were masters at “letting go” of what no longer worked. If a business partnership had gone sour, then it was dissovled. If an employee wasn’t properly matched with the work at hand, then they were given new work or let go.
These women didn’t sulk in the energy of mistakes. Perceived failures and risks that didn’t work out were just part of doing business. They were great atre-calculating and navigating through obstacles (just like my GPS when I take a wrong turn).
These women had air tight boundaries, linked to their highest values. Setting priorities, making wise decisions, and spending time and effort, as wisely as spending money…was second nature to them.
These women worked in their sweet spot of expertise (doing only what they loved and are expert at) while hiring others for tasks they weren’t expert at nor passionate about.
If you want to play with these qualities and embrace more of them in your life and business, I have a couple of resources that might spark you on your way. You can check out “The E-Myth Revisited” by Michael Gerber and the website, http://www.makemineamillion.org.
If you are playing with any of these qualities or opening your mind to new possibilities I would love to hear your stories.
Wishing you the very best in your life and business!
ARE YOU MISSING THE GLOW IN YOUR LOVE | MONEY RELATIONSHIP?
GLOW you say? When was the last time you noticed if it was missing?
Recently, I had the opportunity and pleasure to interview Relationship Therapist, Sara Bunce, MFT. Sara specializes in working with couples and complex relationship dynamics. I call her a “Relationship Artist.” Her work is transforming and she helps couples “get their glow back!”
I was super intrigued listening to what Sara had to say about “couples at risk” of relationship failure, those who have lost their “glow,” and more importantly…the core reasons why (which she says has to do with our brain and behavior).
Sara listed out for me 4 main reasons couples lose the glue and glow that show in healthy relationships. Here they are:
Failure to Risk Vulnerability
Failure to risk vulnerability can show up in two ways. Shying away from vulnerability can take the form of “fighting like cats and dogs with no resolution.” Never ending fighting can be a way to avoid the real issue at hand (and keep the stress hormone of cortisol flowing in relationship).
Sara also goes on to say, “couples that shy away from conflict, arguments or heated discussions, avoid vulnerability too.” These couples can outwardly appear as June and Ward Cleaver, where everything is just fine, or their homes can be mistaken for the movie set Pleasantville.”
“Being conflict adverse can mean we don’t tell our partners the truth because we are afraid of upsetting them and risk dis-approval.” So, instead, we wear a mask of adaptation. This mask has protective properties and over time we begin to lose touch with our true needs…for the sake of getting along and keeping the relationship waters for smooth sailing.
By the way, says Sara, “couples that don’t risk vulnerability, often don’t have great sex lives either.” Placing the priority of “smooth relationship waters,” before vulnerability, can create a relationship, which can be deadening both emotionally and financially.
Emotionally, not risking vulnerability leads to un-met needs, chronic anxiety, silent resentments, and eventually a deep disconnect with ourselves and partners. Sara suggests this video by Brene Brown to help us fully understand what the research shows about vulnerability, click HERE to watch. Interesting findings for sure!
Financially, not risking vulnerability, can mean not confronting behaviors of increasing debt, over-spending, under-earning or lack of savings in order to avoid conflict.
Although conflict avoidance can appear as a way to create smooth waters, what really occurs is a turbulent under current that eventually can capsize the boat. Turning a blind eye, not talking about the real issue, living in denial, or sacrificing truth and vulnerability can be harmful over the long run to your heart and bank account.
Another relationship behavior that dulls the glow, is breaking commitments (not keeping your word), and then dismissing or minimizing the damage of the broken commitment.
Little things add up…emotionally and financially. Chronic lateness, chronic forgetting, saying one thing and doing another are ways we break commitments with our partners. Over time this leads to eroded trust and un-met goals.
When it comes to finances, breaking commitments can take the form of creating a cash flow plan and not taking agreed upon action to stay on that plan, saying you won’t make an independent spending decision on certain higher ticket items and then doing so, or paying bills late for services already provided to you that you agreed to pay by a certain date.
Chronic broken commitments over time chip away at the foundation of trust in a relationship, which can take extensive effort to repair.
A Belief That Happiness Exists Outside of Self
Third, Sara tells us, couples are at risk, that aren’t able to comfort themselves and believe happiness exists outside of themselves.
Anytime we believe the solution lies outside of us, we aren’t taking personal responsibility for ourselves. We are looking outward for a fix to make our insides feel better.
Relation-ship wise, this translates into placing expectations on our partner to behave in ways that make us happy…instead of finding ways to create our own happiness regardless of what is going on in an external way.
This is the case with addictions for sure, both process (shopping, spending, eating, sex) and substance (alcohol and drugs).
In my practice, I find when clients try to fill an internal need with an external object of desire, they are feeding the growing emptiness inside…and the hole just keeps getting bigger.
An example of this is trying to fill the basic internal esteem (Maslow) needs of love & belonging, fun, power, and freedom in an external way. People who do this spend more. Lets say you aren’t so great at creating intimate connections with your actions and words, then you might try to buy love through high ticket presents. This is an example of meeting an internal need in an external way.
Lack of Novelty
Fourth, Sara says, “couples that lose their glow are ones that don’t create some form of novelty in their lives. Novelty can be very small and simple gestures to create new experiences or new ways to express love.”
Guess what? Novelty doesn’t have to cost money either. You can write your partner a love poem, create a date night, cook a special meal or share a new hike.
When you learn to talk about money, there’s a very good chance you can talk about other sensitive subjects, which will increase your intimacy and marriage satisfaction.
Important to Remember
Know that your brain impacts your marriage
The primitive part of our brain that is good at keeping us alive in the face of danger, is very bad at love. You can learn how to steer away from those hurtful fights & instead experience empathy, acceptance, & intimacy.
Reconnect in a new way that feels good to both of you.
Our culture doesn’t teach us the benefits of making marriage a priority
Putting time & effort into marriage can be a scary and counterintuitive thought. Imagine feeling loved and taken care of? This will trickle down to your children and anyone that comes into contact with you.
In the meantime, if you want to read a book (recommended by Sara Bunce, MFT) try “WIRED FOR LOVE,” by Stan Tatkin. This book is based on psychobiology, understanding how our brains and behavior work together. It is filled with ways to get your glow back in relationship…and remember, what’s good for love is good for money!
Tremendous appreciation for Sara’s time in granting this interview.
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